Feeling a little over-whelmed

It is currently 12.45AM on a Sunday morning - yes that's right i.e. Saturday night. First shock of this fact is that I am awake, given my usually old faithful status of bed for 10.30 at the latest. Alas, sleep does not come and I find myself on my computer and this unsavory hour that I usually own bear witness to when I've had more than one alcoholic beverage.

This is my weekend "aff it" (that's abstaining from alcohol for all persons outwith the West coast of Scotland region). My new 'thing' in alternative weekends. So I sit here drinking boaky green tea and reading and speaking and reading through the GPP stuff when I get the worst feeling ever:

Fear.

I am so frightened. Of everything. I am frightened of the facts that I read, of the stories I am told. I am scared that I have taken on too much, that I am not doing enough! I am fearful that I won't book enough presentations, made enough of a difference or even learn the bloomin' thing! I am worried that I am going to let people down, and when I say people, I mean the 1.4 billion people out there who are relying on me (and others like me) to get the message out the Western World that they need help.

What If I Fail?

2 weeks later. Some GPP Training Weekend Reflections...

Arriving at the melting pot I was so nervous, I didn't know who or what to except. I stood with 6 people, anxiously saying hello, as we were lead into the building...and the tiniest lift I have ever seen. so I decided to take the stairs with a girl called Fiona, who I now have the immense pleasure of calling my friend.

The weekend was amazing. Yes we discussed logistics: how many hours were expected, how many people they want us to aim to present to, tech help and the rest.

But we also talked, a lot, about poverty. Why it exists, how we have combated it so far, what is stopping stopping us now and how we can push forward once more. I met Simon, co-founder, and Aisha, the UK manager (and the smilest person I have ever met!!), Sam; our media manager and Nadine, who sends me a lot of e-mails, but is also extremely important in holding us all together.

I also met a welsh nurse called Angela who founded a charity called Life for African Mothers; which supplies hospitals with maternal medicines and literally saves the lives of 10,000s of woman every year. I met a man who grew up in a village were you had to fight over water. I met a young girl who was studying in the UK but wanted to return home to India and become a leader in her community. I met a man who rejected capitalism and has lived his whole life in a Kibbutz, never accepting a wage for work.

Standing shoulder to shoulder with people who are passionate about poverty: who, like me, know the power of the presentation and want to tell others; people who are proof that one person can make a huge difference in the world: people who want to change the world - gave me courage, strength and inspiration beyond what I could imagine. I cannot wait to get started!

So today I am spending time with friends and family and celebrating St.Paddies day the way that us Scots celebrate pretty much everything: to the pub! Then tomorrow, hungover or not I am going to make proper headway into my role as Global Poverty Ambassador!!

Every Journey Begins with a Single Step

Cheesy but its true.

My single step was in 2010 when I attended a free presentation at Strathclyde University. We had got an e-mail about it, and my friend Louise (who had volunteered in Mozambique before) thought it might be interesting. We figured we'd check out and then discuss over pizza and beer later!

You see global issues - poverty, gender inequality, unemployment, cultural change, have always interested me. I've always been involved in charity drives, raffles, car washes, food drives, shoebox collections, but just as a donor, sometimes as a volunteer, but I never really had a true awareness of the issues.

You see I've never seen myself as a person who can make a difference. Sounds terrible, but I've always been happy with my lot. I did well at school, always had a job, aimed for just about average and always achieved it. Growing up I was encouraged to watch the news, read the papers, discuss the issues. My Mum and Dad are charitable as well. But, I never really had the desire to go spend 6 months in some hot, isolated, dirty place and build a well or a school. I cared about people, one of the reasons I am now a social worker, but I never went the extra mile.

Until I walked into the 1.4billion reasons presentation. I was literally blown away, the striking facts, heartfelt stories and positive message made me realise that I could make a difference, and I didn't have to step onto a plane to do it. In fact - I was encouraged NOT to.

I made 2 commitments that day...learn more and do more. I have steadily worked my way through some inspirational books (some of which I have named on this page) and tried to keep up with the politics, blogs and issues streamed through the media and Internet. Sometimes I felt overwhelmed, I would scared and back away, or life would take over, but I've always came back.

Where things really changed was when I tried my 2nd commitment - to do more. I decided to take part in the Live Below the Line challenge. Were you are tasked with living on £1 of food and drink a day! By day 2 my caffeine and sugar withdrawals were so bad I had a splitting headache from there on in, Day 3 onwards I never went to the toilet for a poo once (disgusting but true - and there is nothing worse to drag you down than not going!) but day 4 was a real eye opener for me.

Day 4 saw me attempting to finish an essay for university and this is no exaggeration when I tell you that I could not sit longer than 10mins at a time. Trying to ignore the nagging voice in the back of head screaming "YOU ARE HUNGRY! YOU ARE HUNGRY!" was hard enough, coupled by the extremely distracting feeling of emptiness in your stomach made it nigh impossible to concentrate. Not only that - my eyes physically would not focus, my brain simply could not take it in - I was so tired, exhausted, that all I wanted to so with sleep.

Why this was such an important moment was because it made me realise that we ask children to sit in schools we build, adults to participate in education programmes we fund, they are accused of being lazy, of not trying hard enough. I had only lived on £1 a day for 4 days and I was struggling to function - imagine that was your life - how on earth can you be expected to do anything!

I re-committed - once again: learn more and do more.

So here I am in 2012 - one of the 1st batch of Global Poverty Ambassadors, trained to deliver the 1.4billion reasons, ready to spread the incredible message: a message of disgust, of passion, but predominantly of hope, and faith, and most significantly of pure belief.

Faith that things will change, Hope that others will join us, Belief that extreme poverty WILL come to an end in our generation.